Debisa
08-25-2003, 12:03 PM
Hi Dunc,
I read your Aborigine poem in Merciless through the "Today's Active Posts" feature and it caught my attention as a fellow Aussie. I made a few comments not realising I had landed in the Merciless forum and it was suggested that I was out of my league. If I had of realised where I was I certainly would not have pushed that post button.
Anyway it was also suggested that I email or PM you with my comments but I notice that option is not available through your profile so with that in mind I wanted to pass my thoughts on. Not sure that I can remember them word for word but here goes...
ABORIGINES
It shimmers at this time,
sergeant,
when the air boils.
The high sun
pins the dots of shade.
Mr Douglas will point out the tank
where bottles may be filled,
and the horse troughs.
I need scarcely say,
sergeant,
special care must be taken
that no cattle are hit.
I loved the phrase "the dots of shade" and now second time around I also enjoyed the image of the air boiling :-) I was taken back with the reference to horse troughs. Only because horses are not usually known in the outback as a mode of transport and felt that perhaps you could reference washing the dust off or something along those lines.
The whole piece reminded me of the culling of Kangaroos and the matter of fact way the plans are made.
Nice work!
Regards
Deb
I read your Aborigine poem in Merciless through the "Today's Active Posts" feature and it caught my attention as a fellow Aussie. I made a few comments not realising I had landed in the Merciless forum and it was suggested that I was out of my league. If I had of realised where I was I certainly would not have pushed that post button.
Anyway it was also suggested that I email or PM you with my comments but I notice that option is not available through your profile so with that in mind I wanted to pass my thoughts on. Not sure that I can remember them word for word but here goes...
ABORIGINES
It shimmers at this time,
sergeant,
when the air boils.
The high sun
pins the dots of shade.
Mr Douglas will point out the tank
where bottles may be filled,
and the horse troughs.
I need scarcely say,
sergeant,
special care must be taken
that no cattle are hit.
I loved the phrase "the dots of shade" and now second time around I also enjoyed the image of the air boiling :-) I was taken back with the reference to horse troughs. Only because horses are not usually known in the outback as a mode of transport and felt that perhaps you could reference washing the dust off or something along those lines.
The whole piece reminded me of the culling of Kangaroos and the matter of fact way the plans are made.
Nice work!
Regards
Deb