Morbichiva
01-21-2004, 12:31 PM
Apologies for responding so late! I have been out of town (well, the country, actually) for the holidays and just came back a couple of days ago.
Thank you, thank you all for such wonderful and helpful critiques!
Brian,
The place that I had in mind while writing the haiku was Hong Kong, where my husband has relatives whom we visit when we have the time. Spring in Hong Kong takes place between March and mid-May, so it coincides with Ching Ming. I must apologize for the confusion, maybe a footnote would help?
Also, the traditional pattern for haiku (well, in Japanese verse, anyway) is between 15 and 17 syllables, with 17 being the preferred number. But I agree that the image has to be more striking. I shall try to make my Ching Ming "moment" more vivid :)
Marcus,
I'm trying to keep the verb count low because haiku more often than not should remain static, dominated by nouns, but I understand the concern with making the rain more "active" or "vibrant", especially since it plays an important role in the poem. Thank you for your critique :)
Autumn,
Yes, Ching Ming's Catholic counterpart is All Souls Day, and I do agree about the need for images associated with the festival itself. Apparently, I've alienated much of my audience :) I dread attaching a title to this piece, but I think this is one haiku occasion that needs it.
Mister Micawber,
I would love to use a festival more native to the form, but unfortunately I have not had the opportunity to experience Obon yet. And I agree, seasonal references are more the norm in traditional haiku. I will try to find a way around resorting to a direct invocation of spring :)
Thank you all again for your time. It has been much appreciated :)
Regards,
Sean
Thank you, thank you all for such wonderful and helpful critiques!
Brian,
The place that I had in mind while writing the haiku was Hong Kong, where my husband has relatives whom we visit when we have the time. Spring in Hong Kong takes place between March and mid-May, so it coincides with Ching Ming. I must apologize for the confusion, maybe a footnote would help?
Also, the traditional pattern for haiku (well, in Japanese verse, anyway) is between 15 and 17 syllables, with 17 being the preferred number. But I agree that the image has to be more striking. I shall try to make my Ching Ming "moment" more vivid :)
Marcus,
I'm trying to keep the verb count low because haiku more often than not should remain static, dominated by nouns, but I understand the concern with making the rain more "active" or "vibrant", especially since it plays an important role in the poem. Thank you for your critique :)
Autumn,
Yes, Ching Ming's Catholic counterpart is All Souls Day, and I do agree about the need for images associated with the festival itself. Apparently, I've alienated much of my audience :) I dread attaching a title to this piece, but I think this is one haiku occasion that needs it.
Mister Micawber,
I would love to use a festival more native to the form, but unfortunately I have not had the opportunity to experience Obon yet. And I agree, seasonal references are more the norm in traditional haiku. I will try to find a way around resorting to a direct invocation of spring :)
Thank you all again for your time. It has been much appreciated :)
Regards,
Sean