How do I show and not tell?

[Gridlock]

Being new to having my poetry critiqued, I don't really know how to "Show, not tell", which is basically what I've always been getting. Any tips on how I do this?

Also, I seem to have a tendency to write long poems, even if I could probably get my point across in lesser words. Help? http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/frown.gif

[Andrea345]

I’d like to thank garyg for pointing out this comment needed editing. I’ve tried to slow down a bit so I straightened out the “abstractions show, they don’t tell” flaw (and others, heh) in my first draft.

Hello Gridlock,
I'm learning here myself. Before we go too far, you have visited BLURBs, haven't you, and you've read the articles on cliches and abstractions?

There are certain abstractions I’ve killed from my vocabulary. I now take a big black magic marker and strike through those words. I can never be trusted to describe the words, “heart”, or “soul” or “destiny” with any kind of concrete sense. No images come to my mind, only the ideas. No scent of hyacinth, no honey dripped onto the tip of my tongue (cliche), no texture of white-ribbed cotton t-shirt against my sunburned shoulders come to mind when I want to describe those words.

There are, on the other hand, abstract words which I still try to describe, like “sadness.” The easiest exercise for me is to write about an abstract word, like “sadness,” without ever saying the word once. As garyg said, bring in all the physical senses: sight, taste, touch, sound, hearing and smells. I focus on these aspects while obliterating the “s” word from the piece.

One of the things I’ve noticed recently in a lot of rewrites is that while people will delete the abstraction, “joyous”, they’ll leave the abstraction “haughty” in place. The word “haughty” dictates how I should feel about a character in the poem. Would I naturally want to like a “haughty” person? No. If you can make the reader feel the character is haughty without ever saying the word “haughty”, you’ve done your job. I forget about these judgmental words as being abstract, until I read one.

So, my advice is to start the reading and start an exercise. Post it in Gen C&C with an explanation of what you are trying to work on. Keep the piece short. You'll end up working with the of literary devices of simile and metaphor. Don't be too worried if you're prosey first go around. Just make sure you don't have spelling or grammatical errors.

Don't try to edit any of your existing work at the moment. Older work just sucks you into its glamour. Trust me on that.

-a

p.s. and read more poetry.


[This message has been edited by Andrea345 (edited 05-21-2001).]

[garyg]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Gridlock:
Being new to having my poetry critiqued, I don't really know how to "Show, not tell", which is basically what I've always been getting. Any tips on how I do this?

**By using concrete imagery to describe the sensual world. That's one way.

[garyg]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Andrea345:

I'm learning here myself. Before we go too far, you have visited BLURBs, haven't you, and you've read the articles on cliches and abstractions?

An abstraction is one form of showing and not telling. An offshoot of that form of showing and not telling, that I've noticed, is that the writer says that this subject of the poem is haughty or the subject has an ugly heart. While "haughty and "ugly heart" are both abstract ideas, they also dictate to the reader how the reader should feel towards the subject instead of allowing the reader to come to their own conclusion about the subject of the poem through description. Show the reader "haughty" without ever saying the word "haughty". Show the reader an "empty heart" without every using either the word.

The easiest exercise I can think of would be to write about an abstract idea without ever saying the word once.

So, my advice is to start the reading and start an exercise. Post it in Gen C&C with an explanation of what you are trying to work on. Keep the piece short. You'll end up working with the of literary devices of simile and metaphor. Don't be too worried if you're prosey first go around. Just make sure you don't have spelling or grammatical errors.

Don't try to edit any of your existing work at the moment. Older work just sucks you into its glamour. Trust me on that.


**Your post makes absolutely no sense.

garyg



[This message has been edited by garyg (edited 05-20-2001).]

[Sir Elwood]

Gridlock - I suggest as Andrea does. Start off in Gen C&C and really examine the critiques that you are given. Determine which critiques help you improve your poetry and try to emulate it if you can. Once you're comfortable with that you can post in the higher critique areas...but I wouldn't rush that.

garyg - It would probably be more helpful if you concentrated on Gridlock's problem (in which help was ASKED for) rather than in Andrea's which was not.

Good luck!

Sir Elwood

[garyg]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by Sir Elwood:

garyg - It would probably be more helpful if you concentrated on Gridlock's problem (in which help was ASKED for) rather than in Andrea's which was not.


**How about if you let me decide what I think is most helpful, ok? Thanks.

garyg

[Shaun]

Gridlock: Read all the poetry in "Picks of the Litter." Those poems will show you how to 'show, not tell.' Read a lot of the acclaimed poetry in Merciless (make sure to not take any advice from the greenhorns who post there and know nothing of what they speak) and do, do listen to the moderators and others such as JohnBoddie, Monique, Hugh McMillan, rikroots, clive, tbm, davida and others. Read, read, read. One can't learn unless he studies!

Sir Elwood: I recommend you not pick fights or correct the moderators. Even if you believe they are wrong does not mean they are completely wrong. And if the small chance occurs that they are, it is not in your place nor in your best interests to correct them. They run this place for free, on their own time. Remember that. If you respect them, they will respect you. Oh, and one more thing, when it comes to dealing with people: less is more.

Shaun
neutral is better
just ask Sweden

[Bela]

Originally posted by Shaun:

neutral is better
just ask Sweden

What? Sorry, I was asleep. Yes, I suppose it is. Or if not better, then at least probably not significantly worse.

Bela

[Gridlock]

Thanks everyone. http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/smile.gif That was most helpful. http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/smile.gif

For the record, I thought Andrea's post was helpful. http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/tongue.gif

But no one has addressed my other problem: writing too long when I can probably say the same things with lesser words. Help? http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/frown.gif

[Bela]

Originally posted by Gridlock:
But no one has addressed my other problem: writing too long when I can probably say the same things with lesser words. Help? http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/frown.gif

I savd narly lvn prcnt by liminating all occurncs of th lttr "" from my poms.

Bla

[Gridlock]

Thanks everyone. You were all really helpful. http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/smile.gif

For the record, I think Andrea's post helped. http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/tongue.gif

But no one has addressed my other problem. How do I avoid writing too long when I can say the same things with lesser words? http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/frown.gif

[Julie]

Good advice, Andrea!

Gridlock, the way to be more concise is simply to delete unnecessary words and phrases. Get rid of the things that aren't forwarding the poem. I'm afraid no one can do that for you, or really give you very much information about it, since your intent for the poem is up to you.

I always delete all adjectives and adverbs, then read the work and see if I needed them. I only put back the ones I needed. You'll find such modifiers tend to take up lots of space without saying much.

Hope this helps.

Julie

[clive]

Have a list of BANNED WORDS. "Soul", "heart", "pain", "misery", for example. Banish any word that describes something you can't see, hear, touch, taste, smell. Read read read read read. Then read some more. Oh, and did I mention you should read?

[Harry Rutherford]

One thing that has struck me- try to avoid concrete-seeming words that try too hard for effect. For example, 'plummet' is almost always weaker than 'fall'. Similarly with 'extremely' 'desperate' 'huge' 'amazing' and so on.

While I'm here- a specific example that struck me the other day. This is a stanza from The Subaltern's Love Song by John Betjemen--

The scent of the conifers, sound of the bath,
The view from my bedroom of moss-dappled path,
As I struggle with double-end evening tie,
For we dance at the Golf Club, my victor and I.

From the point of view of the narrative, all the information content of the stanza could be said as

'I got dressed for dinner at the Golf Club'

but how much nicer to be shown it.

Harry

[Jack0276]

I am a little confused here. When I first started posting here. I was more favorable to rhyming poetry. But that was said to be annoying, mine at least. Then I tried writing a different way. To be told that I was telling the people a story and not showing them...whew! I respect the words of the Poetry Council as I like to call them. And I am asking for help here. What am I doing wrong?

[This message has been edited by Jack0276 (edited 06-15-2001).]

[Gridlock]

Well, basically, everyone who's posted in this thread got a bit technical with the word "abstraction". The best way I can explain what I've learned in terms of show and not tell is keeping in mind the "You had to be there" situation. I always think of how annoying it is to hear about a situation when I could have appreciated it more had I seen it instead of just hearing about it. I guess it's the same way with writing. http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/tongue.gif

[griffin]

Originally posted by Shaun:
Shaun
neutral is better
just ask Sweden

I have to disagree.
Btw, if the Sweden-comment is referring to Kyoto, I have to disagree twice.



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