show and tell

[Laura Cole]

I have been reding many critiques that advise to show the reader what is meant rather than tell the reader.

Ok, fine. Then I read another critique saying provide more detail.

Then there are those pesky abstractions.

I am having a hell of a time with something trying to explain the subject without telling. I'll give you an example of my dilemma. If I am writing about my dog I should give some detail to show the reader what she looks like, right? Isn't that telling? I'm not suggesting I describe her from head to toe, but I do have to be descriptive.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Laura

[Howard Miller]

To say that your dog likes to play is telling; to say that she leaps 5 feet into the air to grab a frisbee is showing. Most often, when you're "telling," you're also generalizing. Specificity and concreteness of detail most often mean you're "showing."


Howard

[Laura Cole]

You mean I shouldn't say her coat is brown and white and she has a black nose? http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/smile.gif Thanks, you make it seem simple.

By the way, I'm not writing a poem about my dog.
Laura

[This message has been edited by Laura Cole (edited 01-04-2002).]

[Wes Hyde]

Hi Laura. I'm glad you're not writing about your dog, but if you were (horror!) you would need to find the characteristics that make the dog special as opposed to other dogs. Then, rather than describing the details, put them into use. When Lorca showed David's grief in Thamar and Amnon he used David's action to illustrate it:

"And when the four hooves
were just four echoes,
David, with a pair of scissors,
cut the strings of his harp."

Another method is to show one thing by describing another. Albert Camus, when writing about Salamano and his dog, first established their relationship by stating that, "He [Salamano] was with his dog." Note that Salamano did not "have his dog with him," but that a relationship is established that is like two people, as if Salamano was with his wife or friend, not his pet. He made them, in a sense, equals. Then he uses the dog to describe the man, and the man to describe the dog, whereas, if he had simply described the man or the dog without the other, it would have been simple telling.

"On my way upstairs, in the dark, I ran into old Salamano, my neighbor across the landing. He was with his dog. The two of them have been inseperable for eight years. The spaniel has a skin disease-mange, I think-which makes almost all its hair fall out and leaves it covered with brown sores and scabs. After living together for so long, the two of them alone in one tiny room, they've ended up looking like each other. Old Salamano has reddish scabs on his face and whispy yellow hair. As for the dog, he's sort of taken on his masters stooped look, muzzle down, neck straining. They look as if they belong to the same species, and yet they hate each other."

I hope this helps,

Wes

[This message has been edited by Wes Hyde (edited 01-05-2002).]

[This message has been edited by Wes Hyde (edited 01-05-2002).]

[Clive2]

Laura - it's all in the details you choose.

Here is D J Enright's poem "Two Good Things"

"Listening to Miss Anthony, our lovely Miss,
Charming us dumb with The Wind In The Willows.

Dancing Sellinger's Round and dancing and
Dancing it and getting it perfect forever."

Even without the title, you could tell this was a recreation of happy moments from the details he has used. In the first strophe, you can discern he is talking about an incident from his school days from those little dabs of detail.

A "telly" way of rewriting that first strophe would probably go something like: -

"I was happy when our teacher at school read us a book"

See the difference.

Hope this helps.

Clive

[Olivia]

I was having difficulty in differentiating between the two myself. Doh! The mistake must be prevalent in many of the critiques I had given, so my apologies to those affected. I had been lurking about PFFA quite a lot these days - trying to build up my critiquing skills before going for the next kill. So thanks for this particular bit of advice, guys!

[Laura Cole]

Thank you all for your words of wisdom, I need it. I am wondering about how to decribe the appearance of someone in a poem without telling.
Wes your reply about Salamano has cleared some things up for me. But I wonder, what if you were describing Salamano himself, by himself? You would have to use detail to "tell" (there's that damn word again) how he looks. Describing the relationship between two things, being man and dog or woman and flowers, is clearer to me now. But can you give me an example to look at that descibes a person by himself? Descibing the clothing a person is wearing needs details without telling.
I apprearciate all your responses. I am still learning so much here, and am grateful for your patience.


------------------
Laura Cole

"I've never been quarantined. But the more I look around the more I think it might not be a bad idea." George Carlin

[This message has been edited by Laura Cole (edited 01-05-2002).]

[debi z]

John wore a redish-brown shirt.

John's shirt was the color of Georgia clay.

debi z

[Wes Hyde]

Originally posted by debi z:
John wore a redish-brown shirt.

John's shirt was the color of Georgia clay.

debi z



Yes, like that. And you can take Debi's description further and place John in a situation by adding to the sentence: "John's shirt was the same color as the Georgia clay clotted in the soles of his boots." Now, if John finds himself standing unwittingly on Miss Marion Mont's cream colored carpet, we have tension for the tale. Or, perhaps, it places him in the Georgia wood and we want to know what he's doing there.

But your first question should be, "Why do I want to describe John's clothing? Does it add anything to what I'm writing?"

Lorca was a master at such description, so I'll use him again (and suggest you read a lot of his work for example). In, An Ode To Walt Whitman, Lorca gives a brief, but definitive, description of his character that not only lets you see the man, but also sets him outside the New York Lorca writes disgustedly about. The description also gives us a look into the [glorified] heart of Whitman and sets him above, in the light:

"Not for one moment, beautiful aged Walt Whitman,
have I failed to see your beard full of butterflies,
nor your shoulders of corduroy worn out by the moon..."

When Edwin Arlington Robinson briefly 'tells' what Richard Cory was wearing--"And he was always quietly arrayed"--his purpose was to show the nature of Richard Cory, that the man, though 'richer than a king', did not put himself above the less fortunate people of his town; Richard Cory's clothing had a purpose.

Looking forward to seeing your poem,

Wes

[Laura Cole]

Wes that is EXACTLY what I was talking about. http://www.everypoet.com/poetry/poetry_forums/smile.gif I can do colors, I just needed to link it all together in a way that will show and not tell. I am going to take your advice and read Lorca.

gratefully yours,
Laura