Donner
09-30-2002, 05:51 PM
**The moderators thought BrianIsSmilingAtYou's response to Gemini Moon's question in her thread was so helpful it deserved a spot in the "Blurbs of Wisdom". It's a virtual beginner's primer on the subject of avoiding abstractions and clichés. Good question, Gemini; good answer, Brian.
Gemini Moon
Fun & Felicitous PFFA Patron
Posts: 80
From:Benicia, Ca, USA
Registered: Sep 2002
posted 09-27-2002 15:37
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BrianIsSmilingAtYou,
Thanks for the feedback.
How does one get around using abstractions and cliches? I find it rather hard.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
BrianIsSmilingAtYou
Fun & Felicitous PFFA Patron
Posts: 40
From:
Registered: Sep 2002
posted 09-28-2002 01:56
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello again Gemini Moon,
You have asked a very tough question:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How does one get around using abstractions and clichés? I find it rather hard
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first step to getting around abstractions and clichés is learning to identify them.
Have you heard it a million times before? Then it is probably a cliché.
Words like heart, rose, and love have been used and abused a million times, for example.
Does it evoke an image? In this context, image refers to something that is perceptible by any of the senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, or internal body senses like balance and proprioception.
If it does not evoke an image, it may very well be an abstraction. Some things are abstractions as well as clichés: the word “love” is an example of this.
Heart and rose are clichés, but not necessarily abstractions, if they are used to refer to an actual heart or rose, rather than a symbolic one. However, inexperienced poets frequently use these as both clichés and abstractions.
For example, “You touched my heart” is a cliché and an abstraction (unless you are writing about an Aztec priest and a sacrificial conquistador).
Well, how does one deal with this?
The most common answer is “show don’t tell” – I will explore this further down with an example from your poem.
The second answer is to imply a deeper meaning through the images rather than just coming out and saying it.
To do this, you need effective images. An effective image can convey abstract ideas like love, hate, desire, and friendship.
This is accomplished by using the “poetic toolbox”. The most fundamental tools are words; tools that are more complex include metaphor, simile and symbolism.
Words are not all equal.
The best words for constructing images are nouns and verbs. And not just any old nouns and verbs – “concrete” nouns and “active” verbs are the ones to look for.
(Just don’t drop the concrete nouns on your toes, or let the active verbs run away.)
Be specific. “Tree” is better than “plant”. “Redwood” is better than “tree”. (As in your own poem.)
“Made dinner” is vague. “Barbequed” is specific.
Adjective and adverbs can also be useful provide focus to an image, but should be used sparingly. They are the spices that you add to your poem for flavor, not the main course. Being specific is important here as well.
“Dirty shoes” is vague. “Mud-stained boots” is specific.
It is usually a good idea to find a way to use nouns or verbs to replace adjectives, for example.
The other parts of speech can help as well:
Prepositions can provide detail regarding location (“in”, “at”, “under”, “over”), direction (“from”, “to”), time (“after”, “before”, “during”) and so forth, but they are subservient to what they modify: “in prison”, is quite different from “in the garden”; “after breakfast”, is quite different from “after the funeral”.
But why use images if you are trying to express an idea? An idea is abstract isn’t it, so why not use abstractions?
Everyone knows what loneliness is. Everyone knows what desire is.
How does one show desire or loneliness, sadness or love?
Abstract (no images, vague):
She was lonely and sad.
She misses him and wants to show this.
She remembers things that remind her of him
but she doesn’t want to talk about it.
This just makes her sadder, especially when she thinks of him again.
She feels lost and trapped without him.
Concrete (with images that express the feelings, specific):
After a breakfast of no conversation,
she went to his funeral, wore a carnation.
She wore a carnation he grew in the garden,
but guarded her words while she leaned on her friends.
Yet when the day ended, she cried in the bedroom
and whispered his name in her down feather prison.
This is a simple example extrapolated from some of the elements I used earlier. I hope it gives you some idea of what I am trying to say.
Try to link the images together, and think about how they work to produce an overall effect.
When constructing images, think about the various ways that the senses can be stimulated:
Sight (easy to visualize):
color
texture
shape
size
intensity (light vs. dark)
depth and distance
perspective, point of view
Sound (evocative, can involve speech, music)
tone (high pitch low pitch)
volume (loudness vs. softness)
timbre (the ring of a bell vs. hollow beating of a drum)
aural structure (noise vs. melody and harmony)
“feel” (mechanical vs. organic sound, grinding gears vs. the cry of a wolf)
rhythm
spoken word
song (either natural like leaves sighing or waves crashing, musical like a symphony or punk rock, vocal like Pavarotti or Eminem)
Smell (emotionally evocative)
the sea
wet loam in the forest floor
beer and vomit in a college dorm
burning hickory
home made pizza fresh from the oven
honeysuckle
old sneakers
freshly cut grass
Taste (similar to smell but more limited in application)
bitter
sweet
salty
sour
spicy
earthy
tastes like chicken
Touch (very immediate, evocative and emotional)
warmth vs cold (a mother holds her child close to her, melting ice cream on a summer day)
texture (smooth like silk, rough like sand)
weight (heavy, solid, light, airy)
position (the firm earth beneath your feet, top of a redwood tree – this often ties in with the sense of balance or vertigo)
movement (fast, slow, turning, spinning. When applied to an individual this often ties in with the sense of balance, and the internal body sense or proprioception.)
pain (burning, piercing, stinging)
pleasure (settling into a comfortable chair, sexual excitement, can also be associated with other senses, smells, tastes etc)
Internal body sense such as balance and proprioception (difficult to do, often tend towards abstraction unless expressed in terms of other senses)
position (fear of heights, vertigo, top of a cliff, towers, claustrophobia – this usually involve sight or touch to aid in its expression)
movement (seasickness, motion sickness, head rush, exhilaration of a rocket blast off, standing still under the stars)
equilibrium (dizzy vs. able to walk, in control vs. Parkinson’s etc,)
body sense/proprioception (phantom limbs, numbness, sense of orientation, internal pain and pleasure, a good stretch, a slipped disk, a bloated stomach, headache, relief after an empty bladder)
dreams and thoughts (this is expressed in terms of the original senses)
etc
------------------------------
In your poem “Dare to Dream”, you make use of imagery as well as abstractions and clichés.
The final 2 lines contain the best image in the poem.
Let’s examine this in terms of what we’ve discussed:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But in her daydream, [internal image to be expressed by concrete images to follow, dream states can be used to evoke a mythical feel]
she is atop [sense of position, possibly implying vertigo or sense of exaltation]
a tall Redwood tree [specific, concrete, “tall” and “tree” could be considered a tad redundant, one or the other could be easily cut]
in a rainforest [sense of place, rainforest ties in with rainbow, evokes an image of color and lush growth, greenery and flowers, colorful birds, the sounds of birds, insects and other wildlife, the wet smell of the forest floor]
Smiling [she is happy in the dream, as well as a little smug, perhaps]
down [she escapes her mom’s constraints in the dream, she is above her, able to escape her rules]
at her mom [an emotional tie, she may like the feeling of escape but she knows that her mom has her best interests at heart]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These two lines say a lot with carefully chosen words.
There are a number of good images and idea in the rest of the poem as well.
Focus the images of the sky and rainbow, the comfortable chair, sulking, dig deeper into her “mindless/whirling thoughts”: was there another image she thought of before the Redwood? Did she relive, in memory, the accident? Show us her other daydreams and let use infer her desire; maybe a bird flies across the rainbow sky and this symbolizes her “whirling thoughts”, Etc
There’s a lot more on these ideas in the Blurbs of Wisdom, and elsewhere on the net. In addition, you should read other crits, especially in the “General C&C” and “Another General C&C” forums, since these are the “front lines” when it comes to tackling these ideas.
Also, examine your own ideas. Write out a prose description of what you are trying to say. Add some additional back-story that you can allude to, even if you don’t reference it directly. What is the relationship of the girl to her mother and brother? Is she usually disobedient? Was this an exception? Did her mother or her brother come to her aid when she fell? Or did they simply start to get on her case for doing something wrong? If you can answer these questions for yourself, you might be able to improve the way that you express her behavior in the poem.
Hope this helps.
BrianIsSmilingAtYou.
[This message has been edited by BrianIsSmilingAtYou (edited 09-28-2002).]
Gemini Moon
Fun & Felicitous PFFA Patron
Posts: 80
From:Benicia, Ca, USA
Registered: Sep 2002
posted 09-27-2002 15:37
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
BrianIsSmilingAtYou,
Thanks for the feedback.
How does one get around using abstractions and cliches? I find it rather hard.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
BrianIsSmilingAtYou
Fun & Felicitous PFFA Patron
Posts: 40
From:
Registered: Sep 2002
posted 09-28-2002 01:56
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hello again Gemini Moon,
You have asked a very tough question:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How does one get around using abstractions and clichés? I find it rather hard
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first step to getting around abstractions and clichés is learning to identify them.
Have you heard it a million times before? Then it is probably a cliché.
Words like heart, rose, and love have been used and abused a million times, for example.
Does it evoke an image? In this context, image refers to something that is perceptible by any of the senses: sight, sound, smell, taste, touch, or internal body senses like balance and proprioception.
If it does not evoke an image, it may very well be an abstraction. Some things are abstractions as well as clichés: the word “love” is an example of this.
Heart and rose are clichés, but not necessarily abstractions, if they are used to refer to an actual heart or rose, rather than a symbolic one. However, inexperienced poets frequently use these as both clichés and abstractions.
For example, “You touched my heart” is a cliché and an abstraction (unless you are writing about an Aztec priest and a sacrificial conquistador).
Well, how does one deal with this?
The most common answer is “show don’t tell” – I will explore this further down with an example from your poem.
The second answer is to imply a deeper meaning through the images rather than just coming out and saying it.
To do this, you need effective images. An effective image can convey abstract ideas like love, hate, desire, and friendship.
This is accomplished by using the “poetic toolbox”. The most fundamental tools are words; tools that are more complex include metaphor, simile and symbolism.
Words are not all equal.
The best words for constructing images are nouns and verbs. And not just any old nouns and verbs – “concrete” nouns and “active” verbs are the ones to look for.
(Just don’t drop the concrete nouns on your toes, or let the active verbs run away.)
Be specific. “Tree” is better than “plant”. “Redwood” is better than “tree”. (As in your own poem.)
“Made dinner” is vague. “Barbequed” is specific.
Adjective and adverbs can also be useful provide focus to an image, but should be used sparingly. They are the spices that you add to your poem for flavor, not the main course. Being specific is important here as well.
“Dirty shoes” is vague. “Mud-stained boots” is specific.
It is usually a good idea to find a way to use nouns or verbs to replace adjectives, for example.
The other parts of speech can help as well:
Prepositions can provide detail regarding location (“in”, “at”, “under”, “over”), direction (“from”, “to”), time (“after”, “before”, “during”) and so forth, but they are subservient to what they modify: “in prison”, is quite different from “in the garden”; “after breakfast”, is quite different from “after the funeral”.
But why use images if you are trying to express an idea? An idea is abstract isn’t it, so why not use abstractions?
Everyone knows what loneliness is. Everyone knows what desire is.
How does one show desire or loneliness, sadness or love?
Abstract (no images, vague):
She was lonely and sad.
She misses him and wants to show this.
She remembers things that remind her of him
but she doesn’t want to talk about it.
This just makes her sadder, especially when she thinks of him again.
She feels lost and trapped without him.
Concrete (with images that express the feelings, specific):
After a breakfast of no conversation,
she went to his funeral, wore a carnation.
She wore a carnation he grew in the garden,
but guarded her words while she leaned on her friends.
Yet when the day ended, she cried in the bedroom
and whispered his name in her down feather prison.
This is a simple example extrapolated from some of the elements I used earlier. I hope it gives you some idea of what I am trying to say.
Try to link the images together, and think about how they work to produce an overall effect.
When constructing images, think about the various ways that the senses can be stimulated:
Sight (easy to visualize):
color
texture
shape
size
intensity (light vs. dark)
depth and distance
perspective, point of view
Sound (evocative, can involve speech, music)
tone (high pitch low pitch)
volume (loudness vs. softness)
timbre (the ring of a bell vs. hollow beating of a drum)
aural structure (noise vs. melody and harmony)
“feel” (mechanical vs. organic sound, grinding gears vs. the cry of a wolf)
rhythm
spoken word
song (either natural like leaves sighing or waves crashing, musical like a symphony or punk rock, vocal like Pavarotti or Eminem)
Smell (emotionally evocative)
the sea
wet loam in the forest floor
beer and vomit in a college dorm
burning hickory
home made pizza fresh from the oven
honeysuckle
old sneakers
freshly cut grass
Taste (similar to smell but more limited in application)
bitter
sweet
salty
sour
spicy
earthy
tastes like chicken
Touch (very immediate, evocative and emotional)
warmth vs cold (a mother holds her child close to her, melting ice cream on a summer day)
texture (smooth like silk, rough like sand)
weight (heavy, solid, light, airy)
position (the firm earth beneath your feet, top of a redwood tree – this often ties in with the sense of balance or vertigo)
movement (fast, slow, turning, spinning. When applied to an individual this often ties in with the sense of balance, and the internal body sense or proprioception.)
pain (burning, piercing, stinging)
pleasure (settling into a comfortable chair, sexual excitement, can also be associated with other senses, smells, tastes etc)
Internal body sense such as balance and proprioception (difficult to do, often tend towards abstraction unless expressed in terms of other senses)
position (fear of heights, vertigo, top of a cliff, towers, claustrophobia – this usually involve sight or touch to aid in its expression)
movement (seasickness, motion sickness, head rush, exhilaration of a rocket blast off, standing still under the stars)
equilibrium (dizzy vs. able to walk, in control vs. Parkinson’s etc,)
body sense/proprioception (phantom limbs, numbness, sense of orientation, internal pain and pleasure, a good stretch, a slipped disk, a bloated stomach, headache, relief after an empty bladder)
dreams and thoughts (this is expressed in terms of the original senses)
etc
------------------------------
In your poem “Dare to Dream”, you make use of imagery as well as abstractions and clichés.
The final 2 lines contain the best image in the poem.
Let’s examine this in terms of what we’ve discussed:
quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But in her daydream, [internal image to be expressed by concrete images to follow, dream states can be used to evoke a mythical feel]
she is atop [sense of position, possibly implying vertigo or sense of exaltation]
a tall Redwood tree [specific, concrete, “tall” and “tree” could be considered a tad redundant, one or the other could be easily cut]
in a rainforest [sense of place, rainforest ties in with rainbow, evokes an image of color and lush growth, greenery and flowers, colorful birds, the sounds of birds, insects and other wildlife, the wet smell of the forest floor]
Smiling [she is happy in the dream, as well as a little smug, perhaps]
down [she escapes her mom’s constraints in the dream, she is above her, able to escape her rules]
at her mom [an emotional tie, she may like the feeling of escape but she knows that her mom has her best interests at heart]
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
These two lines say a lot with carefully chosen words.
There are a number of good images and idea in the rest of the poem as well.
Focus the images of the sky and rainbow, the comfortable chair, sulking, dig deeper into her “mindless/whirling thoughts”: was there another image she thought of before the Redwood? Did she relive, in memory, the accident? Show us her other daydreams and let use infer her desire; maybe a bird flies across the rainbow sky and this symbolizes her “whirling thoughts”, Etc
There’s a lot more on these ideas in the Blurbs of Wisdom, and elsewhere on the net. In addition, you should read other crits, especially in the “General C&C” and “Another General C&C” forums, since these are the “front lines” when it comes to tackling these ideas.
Also, examine your own ideas. Write out a prose description of what you are trying to say. Add some additional back-story that you can allude to, even if you don’t reference it directly. What is the relationship of the girl to her mother and brother? Is she usually disobedient? Was this an exception? Did her mother or her brother come to her aid when she fell? Or did they simply start to get on her case for doing something wrong? If you can answer these questions for yourself, you might be able to improve the way that you express her behavior in the poem.
Hope this helps.
BrianIsSmilingAtYou.
[This message has been edited by BrianIsSmilingAtYou (edited 09-28-2002).]